Thursday, June 29, 2006

Fun With Site Tracking

So I was just checking out my site trackers a bit and you know what I found?

Apparently the number one phrase that is oft googled to find this or my own personal blog is:

Ronald Almgren Gay

That is all.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Face Punchers Are Not Cool

Okay, that's totally untrue. Many of our finest Tenderloinites are also Face Punchers, but that doesn't mean they can just stroll in late in the game and try and take over our carefully honed genre of comedic gang blogging, OH NO! NO IT DOES NOT!

My Point? My point is, we need to get back to our roots.

With Keene so close to joining the blog, and Brodeur being an "official" full member (no pun intended) now, it's time for a gang event.

What I'm saying is that tomorrow night, we are all gonna get so rockassingly drunk. Together. All y'all feel me?

Troop rallying will start as soon as Samantha "Banana Meister" Oldfield gets here from the West Coast Fake Rockstars Massive (one of our sister gangs...) up there in ol' Seattle.

Be advised.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Left On My Voicemail

So a guitarist walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.
"Hey, how's it goin' tonight?" the bartender asks.
"Good I guess," the guitarist replies, "but I'm kinda lonely. I just broke up with my girlfriend."
The gutarist looks around the bar, and in the corner is a kinda hot girl, and she's pretty drunk and has lots of tattoos. He starts to feel a little cocky.
"Hey bartender!" the gutarist says, "I'll bet you $100 I can bone that girl by tomorrow morning."
"WHAT!" the bartender replies, "I'm not taking that bet, that's Miranda."


Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It's so like my life!

So, 'Paper Doll' has served TT well in the past two years. However, Louis XIV was over faster than Tara Reid's sex appeal. As we all know, musical influence is as fluid as a basil gimlet, and so i propose that the time has come for Extreme Theme Song 2006 (as I will be referring to it). Please submit suggestions directly to yours truly sometime this week. Stat. My personal pic? 'My Alcoholic Friends' by the Dresden Dolls. Sure, they totally sold out and Amanda has a major chip on my shoulder. But once she grabbed my penis, and she got me into Coachella for free, and I made out with one of her roadies on her tour bus in San Jose. The problem is that she sounds like she's got more than a dash of the Downs in the first three verses, but it's as if the end of the song was written just for us Team Tenderloinites. Seriously, observe:

I'm trying hard
not to be ashamed
not to know the name
of who is waking up beside me
or the date, the season or the city
but at least the ceiling's very pretty
and if you are holding it against me

I'll be on my best behavior
taking shots for mother nature
once my fist is in the cupboard
love is never falling over

should I choose a noble occupation
if I did I'd only show up late and
sick and then they'd stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted
on my alcoholic friends
my alcoholic friends
the party never ends
my alcoholic friends.

Right? Plus there's this sweet little tinkly piano in the background. Plus Brian the drummer is way hot and has a huge cock. Trust.

Still open to suggestions, though.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Drunk Models!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Back From New York

I'm back! Ok, so I've been back for almost a week but it still feels like just yesterday. Ok, not really. It feels like I was never gone! Who do I blame? Freakin' work! Work is eating me alive! Not that it's a hard job...I tell guests that I've sold their room to someone else, deal with complaints from the bar because the bar manager doesn't know how to deal, and I get to hang out in the lobby and check out the half naked chicks that walk into the bar...even though I'm really waiting for half naked guys to walk by...not going to happen. But back to New York. Some of the highlights? Sneaking Highlife Miller Lights into White Castle at 5am, drinking $14 Belvedeere martinis all night that someone else paid for, being really drunk off those Belvedeere martinis and ending up in a diner having cheese sticks, potatoe skins, fries, and a tuna melt at 6am one morning, having a guy give you one of his tickets to a Yankees game (seats right behind home plate!) so you can meet up with him the next day, going to a bar called Jimmy's and having "Jimmy" buy you drinks all night, and hanging out with a guy that has a fear of horses. I'm not kidding. It's called equinophobia, hippophobia, or just fear of horses. At first I thought he was acting retarded. He wasn't. Once a horse and carriage passed by, he would panic and look for a place to hide. His body would cringe and slowly take the fetal position. He seriously would just freak out. I found this to be very amusing. Oh yeah, it gets better. He's allergic to hot dogs...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Few Words from Boy Wonder

Being Boy Wonder people can’t help but “wonder” what the 5’ 9” and cuteness is all made of.

The question is, did these extremely desirable, and yet steal like characteristics come natural, or was there an early build up of my super hero abilities that had to be gained through daily practice of wonderness??? It seems like I always receive mind-boggling questions like…Did I eat wonder bread when I was younger? Was I, by chance, involved in the movie Wonder Boys? Do I have any weakness to kryptonite, and do I wonder on continues cycle of wondering…right never mind that last one. Anyway in answer to those questions, no, no, no otherwise I would be superman, and forget the last one.

The thing is, there is probably not an answer to this phenomenon of miracles and if you try to break down the complex web of wonderness you will only get confused and probably hurt. Trust me I know.

Anyway I hope that everyone has learned a lot today. This is not an easy topic, and I think you should know, that quite possibly it may not even be a topic at all, which makes it extremely delicate of a situation…right…anyway I must go and partake in some tasty espresso, but don’t forget what you’ve learned here today, because who knows you may wake up and be the next Wonder Boy…HA…gotcha!! You could be the next Wonder Boy but you’ll never be BOY WONDER so don’t even think about waking up and being Boy Wonder, that’s right bitch!!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I'm Soooo Fucking Pretty

I am so pretty that it boggles the mind. I'm not that smart, but when Hot Nick and I get in the same room, it warps space time.

I am Boy Wonder, hear me roar.

Or, if you're hot and on MySpace, message me and then come over to my house and have sex with me.

--Boy Wonder
p.s.--I like girls.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Throw a Dog a Bone

Just so we're all clear:

Bone Fest--Alot of continuous boning or boning more than one person at the same time.

Bone Queen--A chick who bones alot.

Bone Heaven--When one experiences alot of boning for a period of time.

Boy Wonder and I just want you to know how fresh boning is. The Urban Dictionary has already been notified.

Also, if you are like Boy Wonder and You're absolutely gonna die if I'm not your MySpace friend, I'm actually currently accepting applications. FINE BW, I hope you're happy.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Hilarity Ensues

Just thought everyone might want to see some additional pics from Counts' birthday. Enjoy. For more, got to Moto's Flickr Account.

QC, Kitti, Bud, Ray and Milkshake

Jay-Jay's hot rack

Milkshake getting her lesbo-jungle-fever on

Mindie and Sandra

Counts as Alex Delarge