Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I Love the 70's

Last Monday night brought with it yet another Team Tenderloin event: Ron's going away party at The Noc Noc. You see, Ron decided that to mark his move from Lower Haight to everyone's favorite 'hood, the 'Loin, he should have a Studio 54 themed party at a bar shaped like a cave (???).
Of course Team Tenderloin needed costumes. Counts wore pink tweed pants, a brown striped button-up complete with a gigantor collar, and brown cowboy boots. I wore an authentic black and white 1974 fishtail halter dress with wedge-heeled sandals. Big D wore A GIGANTIC SOCK STUFFED DOWN HIS BELLBOTTOMS. I mean dude, even Big D is clearly not that big.
I'm telling you, that thing was fuckin' huge, and sock or not, the drunker everyone got, no one could take there eyes off it. That pants-sock could warp space time, change the magnetic field of the bar and force your eyeballs to glance it's way. Also, we got real fuckin' drunk. Real drunk.
Next thing you know, D's biting me again, the girl he wanted to bang left, and the other girl he wanted to bang is trying to bang Peter. Not like I can talk as I was three for three that night as well--two of them turned out to be gay, and the other is way too cool for school.

As per usual, Boy Wonder was asleep the whole night.

On a side note, I had to work at eight the next morning.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Pledge of Alegiance

Seriously, i think Big D almost got the shit kicked out of him by a girl. Why? Cause he drunkenly bit her on the shoulder from behind int the middle of the Louis XIV show at the Fillmore.

We started drinking at 5:30, and continued the beer pounding at the venue, Big D and I were pretty sloshed by about halfway through the show when Slutty Slutty Bang Bang showed up during TTL's theme song, Paper Doll. The perfect timing of this moment was, however, far outweighed the fact that she poured beer down the back of my neck.
The high voltage rock of the show was only slightly outdone by the hot, sexyness of each song. Really, all these guys sing about is sex, fucking, and tits and/or ass. D turned to me at one point and yelled, "Don't you love this shit, Counts?!" Then he grabbed my package. Later he is quoted as saying, "Counts! I grabbed your cock earlier!, I'm a total Cock-Grabber!" Yes, D, you totally are.
The debauchery only got worse as we left the venue to head to the Hemlock after such a great performance. By that time, I also was pretty plastered, but Big D was in his own world, biting everyone he could get his teeth on. Meanwhile, Slut, who came late to the show, and didn't have a chance to pre-funk with us, was a little perturbed by the constant gnawing at her. I think Big D refuses to admit that he bit anyone that night.
Around 1 am, I turned around and Big D was gone. I was pretty sure he just decided it was time to go home, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but seeing him biting the wrong girl, exclaiming "Yeah, baby! You love that shit!", and getting thrown out the door and pummeled by her beefy, flexed up boyfriend. Soon after, Slutty left, and the rest of the night is pretty foggy. I ended up leaving a cute blonde girl's house at 5 am with the beginning of a killer hangover.
I awoke to Aaron asking if I wanted to come get coffee. "Aaaaaaawwww, iced coffee, bud!" is all I could say.

Also, Big D and Slutty fell over in the middle of the show bud, and thus was our night seeing Team Tenderloin's favorite band.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

"How can you kick me out of what is mine?"


Team Tenderloin, although only a few days old, has a very strict code to adhere to, one of them being that you must own a pair of fucking japanese Asics called "Tiger's". Counts and Boy Wonder each have a pair, and Big D has a Tiger's collection that would rival Run DMC's collective Adidas.
Since I don't actually live or work in the Tenderloin and my only real connection to it is the large amounts of Maker's Mark and Blue Ribbon I drink in it's many fine establishments, I relented on the Tiger's issue and picked up a shiny new pair this morning in Upper Haight. It should be noted, however, that I think it's fucking rediculous that I could get kicked out of the team for something as trivial as tennis shoes, when I'm the only one who has yet to take the uniform thing seriously. On that note, I'll be sporting my new TEAM TENDERLOIN Neighborhoodie as soon as it arrives in 2-3 weeks. Sweet.