Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Left On My Voicemail

So a guitarist walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.
"Hey, how's it goin' tonight?" the bartender asks.
"Good I guess," the guitarist replies, "but I'm kinda lonely. I just broke up with my girlfriend."
The gutarist looks around the bar, and in the corner is a kinda hot girl, and she's pretty drunk and has lots of tattoos. He starts to feel a little cocky.
"Hey bartender!" the gutarist says, "I'll bet you $100 I can bone that girl by tomorrow morning."
"WHAT!" the bartender replies, "I'm not taking that bet, that's Miranda."


Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It's so like my life!

So, 'Paper Doll' has served TT well in the past two years. However, Louis XIV was over faster than Tara Reid's sex appeal. As we all know, musical influence is as fluid as a basil gimlet, and so i propose that the time has come for Extreme Theme Song 2006 (as I will be referring to it). Please submit suggestions directly to yours truly sometime this week. Stat. My personal pic? 'My Alcoholic Friends' by the Dresden Dolls. Sure, they totally sold out and Amanda has a major chip on my shoulder. But once she grabbed my penis, and she got me into Coachella for free, and I made out with one of her roadies on her tour bus in San Jose. The problem is that she sounds like she's got more than a dash of the Downs in the first three verses, but it's as if the end of the song was written just for us Team Tenderloinites. Seriously, observe:

I'm trying hard
not to be ashamed
not to know the name
of who is waking up beside me
or the date, the season or the city
but at least the ceiling's very pretty
and if you are holding it against me

I'll be on my best behavior
taking shots for mother nature
once my fist is in the cupboard
love is never falling over

should I choose a noble occupation
if I did I'd only show up late and
sick and then they'd stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted
on my alcoholic friends
my alcoholic friends
the party never ends
my alcoholic friends.

Right? Plus there's this sweet little tinkly piano in the background. Plus Brian the drummer is way hot and has a huge cock. Trust.

Still open to suggestions, though.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Drunk Models!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Back From New York

I'm back! Ok, so I've been back for almost a week but it still feels like just yesterday. Ok, not really. It feels like I was never gone! Who do I blame? Freakin' work! Work is eating me alive! Not that it's a hard job...I tell guests that I've sold their room to someone else, deal with complaints from the bar because the bar manager doesn't know how to deal, and I get to hang out in the lobby and check out the half naked chicks that walk into the bar...even though I'm really waiting for half naked guys to walk by...not going to happen. But back to New York. Some of the highlights? Sneaking Highlife Miller Lights into White Castle at 5am, drinking $14 Belvedeere martinis all night that someone else paid for, being really drunk off those Belvedeere martinis and ending up in a diner having cheese sticks, potatoe skins, fries, and a tuna melt at 6am one morning, having a guy give you one of his tickets to a Yankees game (seats right behind home plate!) so you can meet up with him the next day, going to a bar called Jimmy's and having "Jimmy" buy you drinks all night, and hanging out with a guy that has a fear of horses. I'm not kidding. It's called equinophobia, hippophobia, or just fear of horses. At first I thought he was acting retarded. He wasn't. Once a horse and carriage passed by, he would panic and look for a place to hide. His body would cringe and slowly take the fetal position. He seriously would just freak out. I found this to be very amusing. Oh yeah, it gets better. He's allergic to hot dogs...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Few Words from Boy Wonder

Being Boy Wonder people can’t help but “wonder” what the 5’ 9” and cuteness is all made of.

The question is, did these extremely desirable, and yet steal like characteristics come natural, or was there an early build up of my super hero abilities that had to be gained through daily practice of wonderness??? It seems like I always receive mind-boggling questions like…Did I eat wonder bread when I was younger? Was I, by chance, involved in the movie Wonder Boys? Do I have any weakness to kryptonite, and do I wonder on continues cycle of wondering…right never mind that last one. Anyway in answer to those questions, no, no, no otherwise I would be superman, and forget the last one.

The thing is, there is probably not an answer to this phenomenon of miracles and if you try to break down the complex web of wonderness you will only get confused and probably hurt. Trust me I know.

Anyway I hope that everyone has learned a lot today. This is not an easy topic, and I think you should know, that quite possibly it may not even be a topic at all, which makes it extremely delicate of a situation…right…anyway I must go and partake in some tasty espresso, but don’t forget what you’ve learned here today, because who knows you may wake up and be the next Wonder Boy…HA…gotcha!! You could be the next Wonder Boy but you’ll never be BOY WONDER so don’t even think about waking up and being Boy Wonder, that’s right bitch!!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I'm Soooo Fucking Pretty

I am so pretty that it boggles the mind. I'm not that smart, but when Hot Nick and I get in the same room, it warps space time.

I am Boy Wonder, hear me roar.

Or, if you're hot and on MySpace, message me and then come over to my house and have sex with me.

--Boy Wonder
p.s.--I like girls.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Throw a Dog a Bone

Just so we're all clear:

Bone Fest--Alot of continuous boning or boning more than one person at the same time.

Bone Queen--A chick who bones alot.

Bone Heaven--When one experiences alot of boning for a period of time.

Boy Wonder and I just want you to know how fresh boning is. The Urban Dictionary has already been notified.

Also, if you are like Boy Wonder and You're absolutely gonna die if I'm not your MySpace friend, I'm actually currently accepting applications. FINE BW, I hope you're happy.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Hilarity Ensues

Just thought everyone might want to see some additional pics from Counts' birthday. Enjoy. For more, got to Moto's Flickr Account.

QC, Kitti, Bud, Ray and Milkshake

Jay-Jay's hot rack

Milkshake getting her lesbo-jungle-fever on

Mindie and Sandra

Counts as Alex Delarge

Thursday, May 11, 2006


My all-time favorite SoBe Filly is in town from Sarasota, Lauren Morlock. She is super hot, likes guys that are five nine and cute, and is totally awesome. Totally awesome. So far plans are to hit The Thieves before traipsing off to Tunnel Top tonight. Anyone? Anyone???

[p.s.--Brodeur's phone is off, if anyone (everyone) has noticed, and it's starting to piss me off 'cause I don't have anyone to locally drunken dial as of late. Oh, and Ron, I'll see you soon.]

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Team Tenderloin Invitational

We need to have a motherfucking get together up in this place. I'm talking a gang conference, where I can meet all my fellow murderers, pimps, queens and criminal queers. A Team Tenderloin conference.

Plus, we need a team yearbook photo.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Listen up, PANT

Two Days Late, But Just As Wasted

Here are a couple pics from Los's Cinco de Mayo party yesterday. Excelente.

Some highlights:
*A-K and Taylor singing fake mariachi songs about such important topics as "ciggaretto's".
*Los pretending to play the guitar and gaining the nickname "Glow Worm".
*The Milli Vanilli sing along.
*Brodeur talking about "dry humping" as much as it was humanly possible for him to do so.
*Hot Nick doing nothing in particular, but was nonetheless hilarious.
*Raya, Jessica and I's new favorite line: "It's the bomb...DOT COM!"


Sunday, May 07, 2006

"Those bitches are on fire!"

Erica and Milkshake Go To the End-Up After Last Call and They Are Wasted
by: Milkshake Moure

act 1-Outside Tunnel Top
Erica: "Omigod! Let's go to the End-Up!"
Milkshake: "Of all of the things we are gonna do right now, going to the End-Up is not one of them."

act 2-At the End-Up
E: "Omigod this place is crazy! Look at all these freakin' tired-ass men! Look at all the heffers! This is freakin' great!"
M: "Actually yeah. I'll have to concurr, this is freakin' awesome. Like...dude, check this out. HEY! HEY YOU RIGHT THERE!"
Abercrombie Nick: "Me? Hey. Sup. I'm Nick."
M: "Yeah, whatever. Go get me a Red Bull.
AN: [sarcastically] "Just one?"
M: *makes out with Abercrombie Nick and grabs his package* "Well, you gotta get one for Erica too."
AN: "K. What's your name?"
M: "Dude. Red Bull. Now.
E: "Who's this guy?"
M: "Dude, just some guy who's getting us some Red-Bull."

act 3-Still At the End-Up
E: "Omigod, Miranda! This is my gay boyfriend! He's so FREAKIN' beautiful!"
Gay Boyfriend: "Hey, Miranda, yeah?"
M: "Yup. Hey, this is the hot indie boy I've been making out with."
E: "What's his name?"
M: "I don't know."
Hot Indie Boy: "Hey, I'm Eric."
M: "Whatever. Let's make out."
HIB: "Cool."
M: *gets a tap on her shoulder while making out with Hot Indie Boy*
AN: "Uh...hey. I got your Red Bull" *holds out a Red Bull to Milkshake*
HIB: "Who's this guy?"
AN: "Who's this guy?"
M: "I think you're both forgetting the really important thing here...ONE? You only got ONE? Where's Erica's?" *Milkshake takes the Red Bull and makes out with Hot Indie Boy again*
E: "Oh my god, you forgot my Red Bull? HEY! GAY BOYFRIEND! Go get me a Red Bull!"
M: "Hey, Indie Boy, You're cute and all, but see that guy over there?"
HIB: "That Nick guy?"
M: "No, THAT Guy." *Milkshake points at hot guy*
HIB: "Yeah."
M: "Yeah, he's hotter. Thanks though."
HIB: "Well, who's your friend?"



Saturday, May 06, 2006

What's wrong with this picture?

So I missed the whole crazy Cinco de Mayo thing tonight. It's 4:30am. I can't sleep. What else is there for a girl to do? Nothing...nothing but blog. This whole past week has been a blur. Milkshake and I had one night where all we did was drink beer with Pant and see the sun come out from a fire escape that made you feel like you were in a Costa Rican jungle. Being the nice people that we are, we decide to drop off some Tab Energy to Counts and Chris who had to be at work at seven in the morning. It's around 8:30am or so and we walk by the hotel only to run into Counts...on his way to work. Then we see Chris...on his way to work. These two cats were both late! They went home early but were still late! All the while Milkshake, Pant, and I are up! Up and awake! No sleep! No drugs! Just up! I finally got to bed at 10am...just a little past my bedtime.
Now, I don't know how many of you know the significance of me being Boo. I'm only Boo to my Boo. My Boo being QC. QC and I have always been each other's Boo. The conflict is that my Team Tenderloin name needs to be changed. I know this is hard for some because you've become accustomed to me being Boo but this needs to end. I need a new pen name. Let's make it a contest. Whomever comes up with the best name for me wins a prize. The prize remains a mystery (it all really depends on who wins). No, really...I need a new name. Soon.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

I Am a Crafty Milkshake

In the mean time while Pant searches his immense illustrating brain for the awesomest logo for our gang ever, I've gotten a little crafty myself. So who wants t-shirts? You do? Sweet. You got it.
Expect them done by tomorrow, but hoodies are on you.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


I have not had a weekend this fierce in months. I saw Daft Punk and almost jizzed my pants. I danced a lot. I got caught by my ex making out with some boy during 'Filthy Gorgeous'. I drank way too much illicit tequila which was smuggled in via empty suntan lotion bottles. I met the best subway sandwich artist ever. I ate Tikka Masala with Imogen Heap (seriously). I pretended I was going to puke so I could use the first aid bathroom to do coke instead of risking missing any of the Scissor Sisters. I witnessed exactly four minutes of the freak show that is Madonna. I forgot two pillows, a morter and pestle, and my phone charger. I kept thinking about how good Daft Punk was all weekend long. I drooled over lots and lots and lots of boys; shirtless fags on Sunday and Ladytron scenesters on Saturday. I (naturally) got VIP'ed. I accidentally stepped on someone's face during Massive Attack. I expertly dodged any semblance of hangover. I totally cried when TV on the Radio played 'Ambulance'. I am totally not ashamed of that fact. I found the secret air-conditioned bathrooms with working sinks for dropping deuces. I partied at Amber until 4am the night we returned. I need a week off.

I'm back.


Off you go, Moto.

top: Andrew and Milkshake @ Whiskey Thieves
bottom: Bud, Pant, Milkshake and Moto @ Whiskey Thieves.
up for anything: Milkshake

As per usual, Team Tenderloin found themselves at Whiskey Thieves to begin Moto's last night out in San Francisco. Thanks to Counts' wealthy parents and his recent birthday, we were able to snap these photos with his brand new digital camera. Sweet. Unlike my phone, it has a flash.
We then somehow made it to both Edinburgh and Bigfoot Lodge before 2:00--there is something about the crazed will of a bunch of twenty somethings that makes our drunken treks across the 'Loin somehow alter space-time so that we are able to make last call. Sweet.

Oh, and if you want to hear QC screech uncontrollably for fifteen minutes straight so that only dogs can hear, just say the magic words: "Daft Punk".

[p.s.--Everyone welcome Bud to the blog. That being said, the word of the week is "disco".]
this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, May 01, 2006

"Oh, that's why they call you Milkshake."

Happy Monday Kittens.

This was brought to my attention last Saturday night, as late night Dancehall at Tunnel Top turned my hips and ass into some sort of uber-hot egg beater. So why am I called Milkshake? I thought we went over this, but just as a recap:

1. I bring all the boys to the yard.
2. People love to feel me sweat.

On a side note, Boo and I would like to apologize to anyone who recieved a voicemail/text message after 2:00am on Saturday. Sorry. We were on fire. Although, if you haven't erased them yet, I'd love to hear 'cause I'm sure they're hilarious.
Tomorrow is Moto's last night in town, and QC will be back from SoCo.
Rally up.

[a brief Tuesday edit: Everyone welcome Locks to the gang and soon to the blog. I'm sure you've noticed by now that our site looks a bit different--well, that's 'cause I freakin changed it. I was all like: "Dude, new domain, new layout. Right?" Right. I would also, in the face of recent events, like to point out that Milkshake not only brings the boys to the yard, but is also fully capable of bringing them back to the yard. That's so fresh. Oh, and Boy Wonder and Boo need to get off thier princess asses and contribute. --M]